After Mom died, I began drafting a white paper — working title “Better 4 Beverly” — to detail and communicate my family’s experience in assisting both parents through their dementia journeys. I’m writing it for health care professionals, for government representatives, and for other families who might benefit from the lessons we learned. … More It Took A Pandemic
My mother had an ingrown nail that, if not cared for properly, would curl and dig into her soft skin, creating conditions ripe for infection. I worried about that little nail, that little finger, that soft skin. I kept an eye on it, chided myself when I forgot to file it down, kept asking Mom … More Lesson #40: If I Had To Do It Over…
It’s been two months since we lost Mom. Grief still catches me by surprise, and I guess this stage lasts a while. Something will happen that I want to tell her, or I will see a show I know she would have enjoyed. I’m also having some sadder moments of second guessing; wishing we had known or done more. I try to push those thoughts away, and focus instead on two packages that I carry in my heart. … More Lesson #39: Be Grateful
We were standing at the cash paying for some fun purchases – fluffy blue slippers with sparkly pompoms, a snazzy blue and grey poncho for cool winter evenings, blue plaid pajamas, she likes plaid – Mom may not be able to tell me what she wants or needs, but we still enjoy shopping together. … More Lesson #36: Letting Go, Letting Love
I want to talk about caregiver burn-out, because it’s rarely discussed in society, not addressed by health care professionals, and – aside from support groups set up for that purpose – not something easily shared. I know I’ve covered this topic before, but it looms large. … More Lesson #35: Cry, Baby, Cry
Family is everything, and (as I’m now learning) family is everywhere. When I first started caregiving for my parents, I was like a baby bird who had toppled out of its nest, huddled in the cold rain at the base of the tree. Lonely. Vulnerable. Uncertain. Two amazing parents who had raised and cared for five children had become aging seniors, both afflicted with a cognitive disorder and in need of daily care themselves. What now? … More Lesson #34: Learn How To Fly
I’m not good in a crisis. In my dreams, I’m this incredibly courageous woman who leaps tall buildings, laughing and bubbling with confidence. In my fantasies, I am an orator of note; able to express myself elegantly with witty wisdoms that make everyone shake their head in awe and agreement. In reality, I’m neither. I crumble with anxiety at the merest whiff of uncertainty, I cringe before the specter of responsibility, and I become tongue-tied and dumb with despair when confronted with a conundrum. … More Lesson #33: Crisis? What Crisis?
I want to dedicate this to mon cher Papa, who isn’t often the focus of my blog posts. He’s just so easy to care for that he factors less in the specificity of “lessons learned”, in terms of caregiving challenges. And yet I’m learning so much from him … More Lesson #31: Let Them Eat Cake
Caregivers are on the front lines of the Alzheimer’s battle. And the battle isn’t about the disease, it’s about the stigma, negativity and fear surrounding it. If you or someone you love has Alzheimer’s, it’s quite likely that you have come up against a lot of ignorance, misconceptions, dread and horror when talking to people about this condition. … More Lesson #30: Less Lies, More Love
Happiness is a choice. Once you grasp the enormity of that, once you fully understand the implications of it, you can’t (and shouldn’t) let go. Because all throughout your life, at any given moment, in any place on this planet, no matter what the situation you find yourself in… you make the decision, consciously or not. … More Lesson #29: Hope Springs a Kernel
Unforgettable 