A decade ago, I had no idea what meditation was – beyond the ability to sit cross-legged on the floor with your eyes closed. That in itself is a challenge for some people. And I admit that, even after practising meditation for almost three years (daily for about one year), I still don’t know what I’m doing. But I have come to realize the benefits of this activity, despite my ineptitude. … More Lesson #24: Sit Still, Be Quiet!
My mother has shown signs of “sundowning,” which is a peculiar behaviour in some people with Alzheimer’s. The name is apt; when the sun disappears, the change in light can trigger confusion and agitation in the brain. I noticed this in my mother during the last months of winter. At around 6 p.m., she would start to become restless and uneasy, a bit “clingy.” I assumed it was because she didn’t want me to leave, having become dependent on me and our other caregiver. … More Lesson #15: Do Your Homework
My older sister, who lives on the other side of the country, has a rough time hearing about all the changes that my parents are experiencing. She’s grateful they are being well cared for, but finds it emotionally distressing to follow their journey from afar. In the past few years, she has made the trip home as often as possible, and for as long as she can. She’s here for a month now, staying with them and offering me some respite. … More Lesson #14: The Cortisol Curse
I’ve been dating an odd assortment of women for the past two years. My single friends are busy tweaking their eHarmony profiles and complaining about how hard it is to shop for lovers. I can relate; I’m looking for that perfect match, too. But the only partner I’m interested in these days is a caregiving partner. And finding that match has proven to be challenging. … More Lesson #12: The Dating Game
I have been in a mild depression for weeks, without any creative energy to lift me up and out. I’m no stranger to depression; it’s not the first or last time. When I was working for clients, it was relatively easy to take the time necessary to recoup and recharge. Nobody needed to know that I was down and out, except the people I trust to love and support me during those times. Now that I’m a valued caregiver, though, I can’t just “not show up”, and showing up with a positive frame of mind is more important than ever… … More Lesson #10: Just Show Up
I suspect that many caregivers live in a state of suspended animation, as if their own life is on hold. I’ve had this feeling a few times in the past two years — I turn 60 this year, and I know I should be planning my retirement, but it doesn’t seem appropriate or feasible. I keep renewing the lease on my apartment thinking – how permanent is this living arrangement? How long will my parents need me? It’s impossible to know. … More Lesson #9: Who, Me?
You know that tired old cliché about the middle-aged spinster living alone with two cats? Yup, that’s me. Although if someone had ever called me a “spinster”, I’d have laughed in their face as I rushed past them on the way to the airport. I’m single by choice, I enjoy my own company, I love to travel, and I’m rarely lonely. … More Lesson #6: Letting Go of Resentment