After Mom died, I began drafting a white paper — working title “Better 4 Beverly” — to detail and communicate my family’s experience in assisting both parents through their dementia journeys. I’m writing it for health care professionals, for government representatives, and for other families who might benefit from the lessons we learned. … More It Took A Pandemic
My mother had an ingrown nail that, if not cared for properly, would curl and dig into her soft skin, creating conditions ripe for infection. I worried about that little nail, that little finger, that soft skin. I kept an eye on it, chided myself when I forgot to file it down, kept asking Mom … More Lesson #40: If I Had To Do It Over…
It’s been two months since we lost Mom. Grief still catches me by surprise, and I guess this stage lasts a while. Something will happen that I want to tell her, or I will see a show I know she would have enjoyed. I’m also having some sadder moments of second guessing; wishing we had known or done more. I try to push those thoughts away, and focus instead on two packages that I carry in my heart. … More Lesson #39: Be Grateful
I watched my father at lunch last week, noting the grief etched onto his face, the shadow of sorrow in his eyes. It’s sad to see this 91-year old lion without his mate of 64 years. I get the impression he’s processing the loss of his wife a little at a time, because of its potential to overwhelm. Which is smart. And we are there for him, like spotters around a trampoline, our arms open. Helping him keep his routine, which includes lunch with his best friend every Friday. The two old cuties kept the chatter light and lively, a silent pact in the midst of grief. … More Lesson #38: How to Say Goodbye
My mother slipped last week into a hypo-active delirium; she decided to stop eating and drinking. It all happened rather suddenly, and her physician thought it might have been precipitated by the flu shot. At first, I was angry, wanting to know what had happened to cause this decline. Then I realized it didn’t matter. … More Lesson #37: You Just Never Know
We were standing at the cash paying for some fun purchases – fluffy blue slippers with sparkly pompoms, a snazzy blue and grey poncho for cool winter evenings, blue plaid pajamas, she likes plaid – Mom may not be able to tell me what she wants or needs, but we still enjoy shopping together. … More Lesson #36: Letting Go, Letting Love
It’s not easy to share our health woes; there’s so much stigma in our cynical society. If you whine too much, you’re a hypochondriac. If you have something incurable, it’s all in your head. If you have something really wrong with you, you shouldn’t be out in public. Stop coughing and sneezing on us! Stop blocking the aisles with your wheelchair! Stay home, why dontchya? … More Lesson #32: Damned If They Do, Damned If They Don’t
I think I’ve been sheltered from the health care workers who have bought into what I consider the “outdated” view of people with dementia… at least, in the past three years, I have not encountered anyone quite like the woman I met recently, sent to me via an organization which specializes in dementia services. Huh. … More Lesson #28: Banish Negative Forces
My mother is angry and I don’t blame her. If you were to wake up every day not remembering anything from the day before, if your home of 40 years suddenly looked unfamiliar, if there was a continuous parade of strangers hovering over you and asking you to do things, and if you couldn’t remember simple things like how to swallow a pill… well, most of us would be royally pissed off. … More Lesson #26: No Apologies Necessary
When the geriatrician said my mother had entered the “late-stage” phase of Alzheimer’s last year, I was alarmed. Late stage already? I took it to mean that the end was near, and I began doing more research, feeling the need to understand better. … More Lesson #25: Stages, On Stage and Scottish Accents
Unforgettable 